


The Truly Fantabulous Journal of Puck, Trickster King and Troublemaker Extraordinaire

by Curlscat



Category: The Sisters Grimm - Michael Buckley
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curlscat/pseuds/Curlscat
Summary: "My life has been turned on its tail, spun around, dumped upside-down and inside out without any warning, and I've been left on my own to figure out how to deal with it."Puck starts a Grimm Journal under duress. Then he keeps it going. Not because he wants to or anything. Words are for losers.





	1. Fairy Tale Detectives Get Detective Journals

**Author's Note:**

> Really, really old fic. My first fic, actually. Crossposted from fanfiction.net, where it was first published in 2008, and finished in 2012. Read at your own risk.

**[Transcriber's Note: Spelling and punctuation have been corrected for readability]**

This is my story. Or it will be, when I finish it. The old lady's been trying for ages to get me to actually write something down, and I finally gave in and told her I'd write some stuff down as long as she wouldn't read any of it. So here's my story, all of it, from the very beginning, all wrapped up in one of those nice leather books like all the Grimms have, with my name embossed (there, Old Lady! If you're reading this, which you shouldn't be, I get points for that word!) in gold on the cover.

Now, normally, I'd have a billion things to do other than this, but right now my main prankee is in a coma or something else totally inconvenient and inconsiderate, like she usually is, so I've got a lot more down time than usual.

I guess it's kind of nice to actually get it all out. I mean, a guy can't be an idiot  _all_ the time. Unlike some girls I know. (Kidding! Mostly.)

Yet another sign that I'm growing up. Why me? Why now? Why around  _Sabrina,_ of all people, the one person whose opinions actually matter to me somewhat? I mean, really?

Did I just say that? ...write that? Wow. This is getting confusing. This is why I wanted to stay a kid forever. But… oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

So that's it for now. I'll explain my history later, 'cause I hear the Old Lady calling me for dinner.

Yours,

Puck, king of Faerie (and spiritual leader of hooligans, lord of the wrong side of the tracks... you get the idea. The Trickster King.)


	2. Unusual Doesn't Even Cover It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to die. This was so bad. I'm sorry.

Hey,

You know, I have no idea why I'm writing this like a letter. I mean, who am I writing to? Well, whatever.

I had to go eat dinner. But I'm back now. And I guess I'll start with where it all started. ...Kind of. I'll start with where I started.

I was born over four thousand ago in Greece. I'm the oldest son of Oberon, the last king of Faerie. I have a younger brother named Mustardseed. He really should have been the oldest one. He'd make a way better king (but don't let him know I said so).

My dad was kind of hard to live with. When I was like, four, he decided that I was waaaaaaay too immature to ever run the kingdom, and he told me so. Yeah. Because most four-year-olds are so mature (see that? Sarcasm.). That's when my mom decided I was gonna be the trickster king. I've worn the title proudly ever since. They're both spoiled rich people, my parents. I don't know how they live with each other, or how Mustardseed and I didn't turn out just like them. But we didn't, so whatever. It's all good.

I was just a trickster for a while, until my famous Incident. The really annoying thing is it was an accident! A mistake! You've heard of  _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ , right? Well, I made a big mistake and it turned into a famous play! It's annoying. And for the ticks I do on purpose, what do I get? Yells from Sabrina, and scolds from the Old Lady. I tell you what, there's no recognition for art anymore! But Sabrina is pretty funny when she yells, and that makes up for it a bit.

So after a while we moved out of Greece to England. That's where my mom met Shakespeare. They were  _really_ close, if you know what I mean. My dad was not happy with that. So we left. Wilhelm Grimm- the brothers Grimm guy- invited us to go with him and make a 'new start' or something where there weren't as many humans, and my parents  _loved_  that. We went there with Moth, who's an extremely annoying second cousin I grew up with, Cobweb, who's my dad's second in command, and a few other fairies that aren't really important. They weren't my friends.

In America, my mom decided that she didn't want to live in 'some backwater little town with only Everafters in it,' or something like that. So, we got off the boat early, in Manhattan. That's where I lived for a few hundred years. It was pretty boring. We lived a lot of places, and finally ended up in Central Park, 'cause nobody's gonna move us out of there. All the humans are like 'NATURE' and stuff, so they leave it alone.

But then my dad randomly decided that he wanted me to get married to Moth. I told him no, for a couple reasons (pretty good ones, too, in my opinion).

1: she's my second cousin.

2: I still look eleven.

3: she's a brat.

4: I have no interest in girls as anything except targets.

Well… I used to, anyway.

ANYway. I left town 'cause my dad was ticked, and came to Ferryport Landing, which is where I've lived for the past ten years or so. That's where I met the Grimms.

* * *

Meeting the Grimms was a really freaking huge event in my life. Well, I guess that's obvious, all things considered. I mean, I was able to shove a couple thousand years onto a few pages of this book, and I bet I'll fill it all the way up.

A few things about the Grimms:

1) There's a big magic addict steak in the family. Almost every generation has at least one that's addicted to the stuff, and BAD.

2) They're all fairy tale detectives. But they mostly just help out Everafters who don't want to kill them, too. I know, dumb.

3) They would all die if it wasn't for me. I really don't know why I bother. The Marshmallow doesn't react right to any trick I play, the Old Lady is obsessed with cleaning, and Sabrina is just a jerk with problems. Even though she does have her moments.

...

Moving on!

When I got to Ferryport Landing, I moved into this abandoned house in the woods. My pixies and I set up a  _huge_  fort! All junk! It's amazing! Too bad I moved out. Oh well. Free food beats out awesome house, and my room now is better, really.

I met Relda Grimm a few months after I moved into town. The Old Lady gave me free food and decided she'd be my fake grandma since I was all alone. She likes to adopt people for some reason. And that was how it was for ten years. I lived in the woods and got free food and had no problems! I miss that.

Then Sabrina and Daphne moved in. The first time I saw them, Sabrina was glaring around like she was expecting to be attacked at any second (smart of her) and Daphne was being herself, which means hyper and happy and excited. That night I sent my pixies at them. We were gonna have fun! But then Mr. Canis had to come in and close the window. And the next day he nailed it shut. Spoilsport! But the next night they snuck out and  _then_  I got them! It was so extremely hilarious to watch them try and run from the pixies! Of course, the Old Lady came over the next day and gave me a Talk.

The gist of the talk:

Old lady: Puck!

Me: What?

Old Lady: What were you thinking last night? They have no idea that Everafters exist, and you attacked them for no reason!

Me: I know. It was fun.

Old Lady: Puck!

Me: What?

Old Lady: That's bad! NOT fun.

Me: But they were funny.

Old lady: Rgh! Just don't do it again.

Me: Come on!

Continue for a while.

She won.

The first time I actually met Sabrina and Daphne, I was going to drown them 'cause I thought they were the people who kidnapped the Old Lady. I mean, they go to her house all suspicious-like and then she disappears! What am I supposed to think? Then Sabrina shoved me in the pool. Which was also pretty funny. But the whole Jack thing wasn't. He was obviously bad news, but would they listen to me?  _No_! 'Course, it did turn out all right in the end. Jack's up with the giants, getting what he deserves, and now I live in the Grimm's house. That means more baths (oh, the horror!) but also means TV (TV is absolutely amazing. You can see anything anywhere) and an amazing bedroom. We're talking giant ice cream scoops, a trampoline, and basically anything else I could want. Nobody died during this, though (well, maybe Jack, but we can't be sure. And the giant.) and all's well that ends well (see that? Shakespeare.)!

For two weeks.

* * *

After our two week "vacation" (which made me take more than two baths, wash my hands before every meal, and other such cleanliness horrors) the Grimms finally got sent off to school. Before they left, the goop trap I put in my bedroom in case anybody decided to sneak in worked, and Grimm went off to her first day of school covered in glue, bread and butter pickles, and buttermilk! It was hilarious!

Some skinny old lady came and got them to go to school, finally. She knew who I was, which was a nice surprise. But then somebody died and the Old Lady decided that Grimm needed protection. Marshmallow had Snow, so she was all right. I ended up watching Grimm. And that meant another bath! It was horrible! But it was almost worth it so see Grimm's face when I walked in the kitchen.

Almost.

So we went to school for a while, got in trouble, found a plot to break out of town, and almost got eaten by evil rabbits. Same old, same old. Until I ran into the barrier. Then we all fell in the river and I passed out. Then Grimm did something scary, creepy, and totally unexpected.

She rescued me.

Yeah, I know, weird, right? Especially 'cause she'd been complaining earlier that day that all Everafters are evil and can't be trusted and make her life miserable. She also tried to give me mouth to mouth and I teased her about that a lot 'cause that's when I woke up. I mean, what does she expect me to do? I wake up from a dead faint and her freaking mouth is on mine!

And it was almost nice. Almost.

So we solved the dead people mystery. It was more Scarlet Hand people. Rumplestilskin was trying to break through the barrier underground. Actually, Grimm solved the mystery. She's a pretty good detective, to tell you the truth. She was pretty upset when she found out who else was doing it. See, there was this frog girl and a giant fuzzy monster and a spider thing who were the ones killing the people, and it turned out that the frog girl was the closest thing Sabrina had to a friend in the whole school. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for her. Not enough to make me be nice to her, though. I mean, she can't turn to me when she wants a friend. And she wouldn't, anyhow.

Anyway. After we solved that mystery, Mr. Canis was still in the school (he's probably dead now), and Rumplestiltskin exploded. Then Grimm decided to go rescue her parents, completely forgetting she had a broken arm. I had to follow her, of course. After all, what happens every time someone's in trouble? Puck gets to rescue them! As if I didn't have anything better to do. It turned out that there was a Jabberwock and a little girl in a red cape there with Grimm's parents. The girl had some ring that could transport things or something, so they got out, leaving us with no clue where we were and a Jabberwock on our tails.

Did I mention that Jabberwocky can breathe fire?

So we were in a pickle. If it hadn't been for my (ahem) bright idea, we might be dead. I turned into a walrus and slid down the hill with Sabrina on my back. We slid through a four lane road, which was fun, and into an old barn. Then Grimm got cold and almost died again. Humans are fragile, I'm finding out. I had to save her butt again, too. Am I the only one sensing a pattern here? Anyway, she passed out and she's still asleep. We're back now, but Grimm's in the hospital. I'm kind of worried about her, to tell the truth. It's been two days.

She better wake up. I will be majorly upset if I did all that work and she goes and dies. That would be what we call a lack of gratitude.

Speaking of gratitude, the Old Lady says she can't give me the million dollars she owes me for saving her, so I drew on her face with permanent marker. I can't wait to see her face when she wakes up! Or... maybe not. She'll probably kill me once she sees what I did to her. Oh well. It'll come off.

I think.

Signing off,

His majesty, the crown prince of Faerie and all that other stuff, Puck

 


	3. WHO'S a Problem Child?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should really go back and completely rewrite this with like. A much bigger focus on Puck's emotions and like. Whatever he was doing on the side while the plot was happening and he was elsewhere.

Grimm still hasn't woken up, so I have nothing to do. I'm bored. And being bored makes me think. And thinking makes me worry. I'm kinda sorry I hit her in the face with that dodgeball.

Oh My Gosh! I  _love_  dogeball! It has to be the best sport ever invented! You're supposed to hit people! In the face! Well, probably not in the face, but I did and I didn't get in trouble. That was the ONE thing I learned in that stupid school.

The Old Lady and the Marshmallow are going to the hospital again to see if Grimm woke up. Just in case she did, I'm gonna go hide.

Bye,

Puck

* * *

Guess what? She DID wake up! And boy, was she mad when she saw her face! I wish I'd been there to watch. But, actually, I prefer being alive to seeing Grimm mad one more time. I can always see her mad some other time. She gets ticked off often enough. The Old Lady made her go straight to bed as soon as she got home, which made her even madder. (See?)

Speaking of angry people, Elvis is pretty upset too. And who can blame him? the Old Lady dressed him up in a Santa outfit. He looks hilarious! I practically laughed my head off when I saw him.

I'm still bored. The Marshmallow doesn't want to do anything and the Old Lady's not very interesting. Canis is... gone. Probably dead. and Grimm's stuck in her room.

I'll go design a new trap for anyone who comes in my room. I have chimpanzees now, too! Woohoo! Chimpanzees! They can help build. You know what? I'm gonna start a chimpanzee army!

General Puck

* * *

Well, I had an adventure last night. It was pretty cool, actually. Grimm decided she wanted to go back to the place her parents were, which is the Ferryport Landing Insane Asylum, by the way. Don't ask me why she wanted to go back to where the crazy chick was after everything was gone and it was half burned down. Not exactly the thing I'd do on my first day woken up from a coma. If you ask me, she belongs there. And she probably says the same thing about me.

Anyway, the Marshmallow convinced Grimm to bring me with them, and they came in my room and got caught in my trap! It was amazing! Worked perfectly and everything! I knew they couldn't resist cute little animals! And the net caught at just the right time! I love my room.

I have a new name for Grimm, too. She is now Captain Doodieface! And she figured out who has her parents. Get this: Little Red Riding Hood! Crazy, right? It turns out Red is, too. Crazy, I mean. And homicidal. We got most of her files last night after Marshmallow fell through the floor. That was pretty funny, too.

But then some wacko came out of nowhere and tried to steal the file. We attacked him, and did pretty well, too. Except that I forgot how to count to three. That was embarrassing. But I was under stress. It's hard work, keeping those girls from dying! And then the guy's shadow came off and attacked me! Dirty trick! Daphne hit me with a stick, too. That hurt. And then the Grimms started kicking him. Have you seen Marshmallow's warrior face? It's pretty funny. Anyway, we got out, but we lost the file. Grimm was NOT happy about that. I wasn't particularly happy either. We never egged those cars!

I'm going back to bed now. I'm exhausted.

Yours,

Spiritual leader of good-for-nothings, hooligans, and punks, lord of the wrong side of the tracks, etc., Puck

* * *

I'm ba-ack!

So is the guy from last night. Stupid, annoying, stuck-up Grimm. 'Cause he's one too. Jacob Grimm, to be exact. The second son of the Old Lady. He  _did_  try and save them in a crowd of Everafters in front of the new school, but I was gonna do that! I had everything under control! Completely! Stupid magic-addicted annoying... I can't even think of a bad enough adjective to describe him. Rgh!

There's a new school in town. In case you didn't get that. Don't know why they need one. Charming Elementary, it's called. All I gotta say is, the Old Lady had better not expect me to set one foot inside that place. Ever. Anyway, Snow invited us to the dedication ceremony... or whatever it was. The Queen of Hearts showed up and started a mob that wanted to kill the Grimms. I, as usual, put my life and reputation on the line (not necessarily in order of importance), and what happens? This guy shows up, and everybody's all happy about him, and I don't get a word of thanks! I am majorly upset! I will now pout for an extremely long time.

Except that doesn't sound like much fun. As I said before, I'm growing up, and things like that seem to go along with it.

I don't wanna grow up!

And I especially do  _not_  want to know I'm growing up.

Excuse me, I have to go find some forgetful dust.

The former lord of the wrong side of the tracks, now just some guy with a destroyed reputation for evil, Puck.

* * *

Stupid Grimm! Stupid chimpanzees! Stupid life! Heck, Stupid WORLD! I hate EVERYBODY! Well, almost. But mostly everybody!

You're probably wondering what happened to get me so mad. Well, it's none of your beezwax!

Actually, since nobody's ever gonna read this, I might as well write it down. Here goes.

I was in my room pouting and Grimm came in.

She bugged me about what was wrong, and I gave in after a while and told her. (See yesterday's journal entry which I have promised I will never look at again. I don't know why, I made myself forget.) She told me she cared about me, and I couldn't resist teasing her. I mean really, she said she CARED about me! That was the good part. I kept teasing her and then, don't ask me why, but I...

I can't write it. K- Ki-

Close enough. All you need to know is that those doughnuts ARE delicious. And I still haven't eaten any. She liked it, I know she did. So did I. A lot. But then she punched me in the stomach. That I did not like. Stupid world! Stupid me! Yet another forgetful dust experience, but making yourself forget too much is bad for your brain, so...

Besides, it was too much fun.

Gotta go deal with Grimm and the Usurper.

Puck


	4. One Weird Crime

Hey.

Sorry I haven't written in forever, but I was sick. Like, bad. That jabberwock ripped off my wings, and it turns out that's not very good for fairies. Would you like me to recap what happened?

Why am I writing to my journal like it can answer me? I think I'm going insane. Side effect? Well, I'm gonna tell you what happens anyway.

Mr. Canis is alive. That was a big shocker. I found him, and then he came back and saved the Grimms. Yet again. With my help, of course. Then it gets a little vague. All I know is that they killed the jabberwock, got their serously lazy parents and got me to New York.

Which is where they found yet another mystery. I know, right? It almost seems like these mysteries are following them around. Anyway, my dad was murdered (big whoop. He probably deserved it), and they agreed to find out who did it. It was Moth, which makes me think he deserved it a bit less, but whatever. Not complaining. Imagine me shuddering and making a disgusted face right about now.

I've mentioned Moth before, haven't I? Well, my dad was gonna kick me out again after I got better, and Moth couldn't have that, could she? So she goes on a killing spree. First my dad, then Cobweb, who is one of the best people  _in_  Faerie, then Sabrina. If she thinks this is making me warm up to her at all, she's confused. Like, a  _lot_. So, she goth this completely bogus idea in her head that Sabrina and I are in love. Ugh. (don't ask me where she got that. I don't wanna know) And she decides that she's going to get rid of her "competition."

I have to admit, I was kind of worried when I saw Grimm like that. 'Cause that's when I woke up, see? Moth was in the middle of gloating at Sabrina, who she'd just poisoned.

OK, fine, I was EXTREMELY worried. Happy?

She's in a cocoon now. I gotta go make sure I can see her come out covered in goop. That'll be funny.

Adios,

The apparent king of Faerie, Puck

* * *

Back again!

I just went to my dad's funeral. That was not fun. I'm not going into detail. If you wanna know what it's like,  _you_  got to a funeral.

...Which you can't. 'Cause you're a book, and all.

The Grimms are leaving soon. Going home. Without me. Apparently the king has to stay here and  _rule_. I'm a little upset. What'll they do without me? I mean, I save their butts constantly, and I've just fixed Grimm's perspective on life a bit. I could do that again, if I went with them. It sounds a lot more appealing than staying here and growing up. Or even staying here and not growing up, if my mom would let me do that.

I have just come to a really weird conclusion.

I want to stay with the Grimms.

And  _no_ , I do  _not_  want to stay with one in particular!

I hafta talk to Mustardseed about this.

Yours, (well, technically not but...)

Puck

* * *

Well, that was fun! We just found out that Oz, who was like my dad's secretary is in the Scarlet Hand. And that he has this big important speech in Veronica Grimm's Journal. We, obviously, had to get the journal and speech back. Oz was annoyingly difficult. He escaped in a balloon (big surprise, right?) and brought out this giant robotic wicked witch of the west and set in on us. Grimm was more stupid than usual and jumped on the balloon when we were on top of the Empire State Building. Have I mentioned that Grimm  _doesn't_  have wings? So I had to catch her. Somehow she got the remote Oz uses for the Robots. So that fixed that problem!

Also, her mother's journal fell out of the balloon and the Old Lady convinced Grimm to read the speech in the back. She did a pretty good job. And now they're leaving. It's Christmas.

I'm going to follow them, and Mustardseed's going to rule in my place or something. I  _really_  think there's something wrong with me. I mean, I have the chance to stay here where I can go everywhere I want and be in charge of a whole city to do whatever I want with, and I'm giving it up to go back and protect some family that already has protection and be stuck in a tiny little town.

My bedroom is cool, but I don't think it's cool enough to justify going back. So why the heck am I?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, I have a giant robot to go find now, so...

Merry Christmas!

Puck, the absent-from-his-kingdom-king of Faerie


	5. What the Heck is a Misdemeanor?

12/26

So I just made my peace with Jacob. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  _He_  actually apologized to ME! Not that he had anything to apologize for. It was just me being dumb (not that I would admit that to anyone else).

We're back home now. Weird how much this place feels like home after a few months, when noplace else really felt like home after years.

It's lunch time now so,

Puck

* * *

12/31

I just had a bath. Ugh. The Old Lady said I had to for some New Year's party she's having or something. Whoop-dee-doo. A party. Tell me why I can't go WITHOUT a bath? Being clean is overrated.

The party's starting now. I gotta go.

Puck

* * *

1/15

Nothing interesting (read: dangerous) is really happening right now. It's weird.

Recap of my past couple weeks:

Played an awesome trick on Grimm. She's gonna kill me! Totally worth it.

Ate a lot of good and free food.

Stared at nothing for hours. Plotted more pranks.

Found out that there's another holiday soon. President's Day or something. Why is winter full of holidays? Maybe people needed them a long time ago to make sure they didn't die of boredom during the winter. Hm.

Well, whatever. Too much thinking is bad for your health, you know, so I'll stop now.

Later peeps,

Puck, the supreme ruler of the chimpanzee army of Ferryport Landing

* * *

1/23

I. Had. To. Take. Another. BATH!

Life isn't fair.

You know, Bath is a four letter word. Four-letter words are another term for curse words.

I have an idea! I hereby declare bath a curse word! I won't ever say it again! From now on, it'll be referred to as:

"the B-word"

Dun dun dun.

Sorry about that (not really). I couldn't resist.

Dinner time!

Puck

* * *

2/3

The girls are starting a new part of their training. They've been really training since we got home, but we've now started this thing called escape training. It works like this: We all go someplace through the mirror (don't ask me how that works, it just does) and they have to try and get back to the Old Lady while I try and stop them. It's amazingly fun! I won. They're both all muddy now.

Excuse me, I have some gloating to do.

Puck

* * *

2/14

Yet another holiday. this one is Valentine's day. I think it's the worst one of all.

Get this: it's about COUPLES. Like, lovey dovey romantic stuff.

The Marshmallow loves it. She was dancing around all day and she put up pink hearts and glitter and stuff all over the place. Grimm, on the other hand, looked almost as uncomfortable as I was. I've decided I'm going to spend the rest of the day hiding somewhere.

Wait a minute, somebody's calling me.

* * *

2/15

I'm back again. that was Canis. He decided that he'd had enough of Daphne too, so he offered to get me and Grimm out of the house for awhile. It was actually pretty fun. We drove around for a while, bought some donuts ate them all, and had a pretty good time. Even Canis seemed relaxed.

Gotta go,

Puck

* * *

3/1

Yet again, the B-word is haunting me. I'm hiding from one right now. I complained about it, and Grimm gave me a funny look.

Here's the jist of our conversation:

Me: What?

Grimm: You DO know what the B-word is, right?

ME: Sure.

Grimm: Really.

ME: Yeah.

Grimm: What does it mean then?

Me: *shudder* Bath.

Grimm: Well, that's ONE meaning of it, I guess...

Me: What's the other meaning?

Grimm: Sorry. If you don't know your own expletives, I'm not gonna increase your vocabulary. (Or some big words like that.)

Me: Well, that explains your face.

Oh darnit! they've found me!

Gotta go!

Puck

* * *

3/11

Grimm's birthday is less than a month away. I don't think I'm gonna get her anything.

I mean, if I get her something good, it'll be bad for my reputation which is damaged enough as it is, plus she'll look at me weird and the Marshmallow'll go 'awww' and the Old Lady and Canis'll both get those weird looks on their faces like they know something I don't and...

On the other hand, if I get her something bad, She'll scream and try to punch me and be extremely hilarious, but the Old Lady'll probably make me make it up to her and not let me have dessert which'll probably be something NORMAL 'cause Grimm hates her cool cooking (she's losing a lot of weight because she dosen't eat much 'cause she hates the food, and she doesn't have much to lose- not that I noticed or anything) and it'll be almost as bad as if I'd gotten her something good.

So yeah, no present.

Speaking of food, it's time for dinner.

Puck

* * *

 

3/24

Guess what? We did escape training and the girls actually won! Do you know how humiliating that is? I couldn't believe it! Plus, Grimm hit me with one of my own glop grenades! In the Snow Queen's homeland! By the way, that's a place that's -20 degrees on a warm day. Meaning that the glop grenade froze and I had to take a bath to get it all off so I could move. Then the Old Lady forced me to wear this completely stupid embarrassing shirt with a crocodile on it! And the crocodile is SMILING! I couldn't have one eating someone, could I? NO! It has to be this little happy guy that looks like it hopped out of Sesame Street or something!

Anyway, we had a party/meeting thing later to see if anyone knew a way to wake up Henry and Veronica. They didn't. But Snow was all weirdly out of it 'cause she's all heartbroken over a guy which is stupid and makes me wonder why anybody would want to fall in love if it just hurts, Daphne met Cinderella, and Baba Yaga showed up and freaked Grimm out. It was boring. And it lasted the whole day.

I'm going to bed now.

Puck

* * *

3/25

I'm going to KILL Baba Yaga! She is evil! She attacked Grimm for something she didn't do and threw me to who knows where when I tried to protect Sabrina. Not, you know, that I care what happens to her or anything. But I've got to prove I'm better than she is. She lost some wand or other and the Old Lady agreed to try and get it back from her.

We're going to go see her now.

Puck

* * *

3/25

Wow. She's actually not that bad. Baba Yaga, that is. Pretty cool, actually. I love the way she decorated her house. I kind of want to copy it for my lair. Always looking for new interior decorating ideas.

There's something wrong with me. My voice is cracking and I'm starving (more than usual). I think the Old Lady and Canis know what it is, but they won't tell me. But were having lunch soon, so I gotta go. Avocado dip and corn flakes! Yum!

Puck

* * *

3/26

Grimm had a crazy dream last night. She thought Jake died. Did you know she sleepwalks? I didn't. Well, we found her outside in the middle of the night babbling about Jake being dead, and then she passed out.

I still don't know what's wrong with me. And Snow's falling apart. If Charming doesn't get back soon, she might go into a coma or something. But I've given up on her martial arts class. It's boring. I'm starting Puck-fu, and it's twice as good! Or it will be, once I figure out all the rules.

The Grimms are off paying their taxes right now. I'm gonna go set up some pranks before they get back from doing boring grown-up stuff.

The Trickster King

* * *

3/26

The tricks died. Jake was still home. After they got back, we had sandwiches and then Jake took us to interview other people to see if they lost anything. The first person we went to see was Briar, who Jake is head over heels for. He's boring me and making me sick at the same time. Good thing I'm never gonna act like that. No surprise, but she hadn't lost anything.

On another note, we found a clue. Frau Phfefferkuchenhaus lost a bottle of water from the fountain of youth. And I know what I'd be if I ever grew up (which I won't)! A dentist! That place was amazing! EVERYONE was in pain! So. Awesome.

Baba Yaga showed up in the middle of town and started making trouble while we were there. And then, you won't believe this, but a bunch of Native Americans appeared out of thin air in the middle of a really short storm and started shooting arrows at her!

We're gonna go see Baba Yaga now. That woman is amazing! I think I'm in love. Or at least fanboy-hood.

Puck

* * *

3/27

Grimm's missing. So's Marshmallow. They were off doing some training thing with Canis and there was this storm (I'm starting to see a pattern here) and they disappeared. Canis is looking for them all over town, and he's really freaking out. The Old Lady was looking, too, earlier, but she stopped to try and dig up more money so that those two will have a home to come back to. Jake's doing something else, with Mirror, I think. And I get to sit here and worry my head off. Why couldn't she disappear when I was there to protect her? I'm spazzing over here!

Ok... I will calm down. She won't die. She'll be fine. In a town full of Everafters who want to kill her with nothing but her younger sister who is not much protection and weighs about 70 pounds. She'll be okay.

Why am I freaking out so much? It's not like I love her or anything.

Right?

Right.

I hope.

Are you kidding me?! What am I saying?

I. Do. Not. Care. About. Sabrina. Grimm.

No, that's a lie. I do care about her. But I don't love her!

Much.

OMG! I did NOT just write that!

Fine! I MIGHT like her a TINY bit.

OKAY! I LOVE SABRINA! ... Or... am on my way there. Maybe. Dangit.

I have to go stick my head in a bucket of ice to bring me back to my senses.

Puck

* * *

3/28

Well, Grimm's back. So's Daphne. And get this: they brought Charming back with her and invited him to stay with us. Without telling Snow. I think she hit her head in the woods... Or wherever she was. So does the rest of the house. Except Daphne, who keeps giving Grimm Important Looks whenever we're in the same room, and Grimm blushes every time that happens. Speaking of which, we're all going to pretend that the previous entry in this journal didn't happen, capiche? Good. We just went into town 'cause Daphne got this weird thing that looks like a magic eight ball and the girls were looking for something and needed a ride.

The Old Lady's having a yard sale to get money for the taxes. She was completely out of it when she found out how much money she needed. Babbling and everything. I thought I was going to have to make my own lunch, it was so bad!

Anyway, back to the trip to town. Marshmallow was vibrating like crazy on main street so we stopped there and went to Briar's coffee shop. The girls went over to the princesses and I bought a muffin 'cause I was all hungry  _again_. So I come back from the line, and I ask them what's going on, and they all shout at the same time "and no boys!" I don't wanna know.

We're going into town to pay the taxes now. I don't know much about taxes or stuff like that, but I'm PRETTY sure that they're not supposed to have to pay them this much.

Puck

* * *

3/29

Grimm solved the case. Almost. She said it was Cinderella, but it was actually her husband. Close enough. She tried, and nobody else even got that. We'll let her have this one (unless she starts bragging about it).

We had an amazing time in town (I did, anyway)! This boat came out of nowhere and Wilhelm Grimm was on it and so were all the other Everafters that came to America. Which means I came this close to meeting myself and having the best time ever because who would be better to hang out with than me? But we had stuff to do. See, we had to rescue Willy 'cause Nottingham threw him in jail and then we had to get everybody back to their time without remembering what had happened (thanks to  _me_  and the glop grenades) and then Grimm figured out what happened to the magic stuff that got stolen and fell in the river 'cause she's kind of dumb even when she's being smart. Then we found out that it wasn't Cinderella, it was Tom. He was trying to find a way to keep himself from getting old. It didn't work. He made this giant tear in time and it almost sucked us all in, but then Cinderella broke the wonder clock and everything went back to normal and we went home. It was freakin' awesome!

Grimm's birthday is today. I'm gonna give her a basketball and a tube of glue.

Inside joke. You wouldn't get it. Gonna go stick the box in the kitchen and hope for cake. MMM, cake.

Puck

* * *

3/29

That went well. Snow's stepmom came over and fixed Mirror 'cause he's apparently broken (maybe now he'll stop making all our questions have to rhyme before he answers them), and then Snow came over and saw her mom with Charming and freaked and now she's mad at the Old Lady 'cause she had the woman who tried to kill her and her missing boyfriend over and didn't tell her. The only good thing is that we found out how to wake up Henry and Veronica, which is honestly the only thing Grimm wanted for her birthday. And I got cake. That was fun too.

I'm going to bed now.

Puck


	6. It's all Good in my Hood

/2

I've been thinking about what happened the other day. There was a big storm (time tear) and Baba Yaga's house came out of it. There were a bunch of people in it, and they looked a heck of a lot like the Grimms- except older. And one of them was this fairy. He was in his twenties and reminded me of someone... I can't think who, but it must have been someone awesome. But he told me to be nicer to Grimm 'cause she's gonna be important to my future. I have NO clue what that means. And he gave me the idea for her birthday present. Apparently he somehow knows a lot about my future. I'm confused.

Oh well.

Prank planning is now in session.

Puck.

* * *

4/5

Awww! Puck! I had no idea you cared so much! You should totally tell Sabrina how you feel! She feels the same way! You two are absolutely adorable! I know who the person was and I know what Granny knew! Tell Sabrina you love her and I'll tell you those things!

Daphne

* * *

4/6

Argh!

Is nothing sacred anymore? Really, Daphne, didn't you see the big sign that said 'Puck's private journal  _ **do not read**_ '? Seriously.

Oops. Now I'm writing like she's gonna read it again! Which she will not! Excuse me, I have a marshmallow to roast.

Puck

* * *

4/10

I completely forgot to mention that Canis was arrested. I feel kind of a lot guilty because he's been locked up for almost two weeks now. And something I just realized is that the Grimms have no protection now. Except me. Even though I'm perfectly capable of it, it's a pretty big job, and I have no help. I mean, even I have to sleep sometime. And I can't watch all three of them at once. What if they go different places?

This must be fixed!

Gotta go!

Puck

* * *

4/23

Sorry I haven't written in a while. As if you cared! You're a book! ...Who I'm talking to. I think I've got a problem.

ANYWAY. I've been busy trying to find a way to protect these people.

First I tried the chimpanzees. But they work for explosives mostly and I was pretty sure they would blow up the house.

Then I went for pixies. Again, that didn't work. They can be pretty good at attacking people, but they don't work well without direct orders and I can't spend all my time telling them what to do.

So I called in for outside help. It's amazing the people you meet after thousands of years of pranking. I now have a force of several hundred Everafters from a bunch of species hiding in random places around the house and yard. They'll do a pretty good job and I can still be in charge without giving them orders every five minutes. The only downside is, it costs a lot of money to pay that many people. So the Grimms are protected and I'm broke.

Yours,

-Puck

* * *

 

5/1

Grimm found my security team. It's kind of funny how she found it. She was in the bathroom doing makeup stuff (don't ask me why, I have no clue. She looks great the way she is. Oh no. I did NOT just think that. No. Nononononononoooooo! Bad brain! Grimm Is as ugly as a dog! Note to self: remind her of this as soon as possible. For that matter, remind self as often as possible because self seems to forget a lot.)

Anyhow, moving away from my rebellious brain's tangent/rant...Tangerant? That's a good word.

I think there's something wrong with me. First I practically say I think Grimm's gorgeous then I start making up words like the Marshmallow.

Except I can say stuff like that now, can't I? Cause I admitted it. And I'm not gonna write it again.

But I still think the Old Lady's putting something extra in the food.

Back to her finding my security team. Grimm was in the bathroom, and Seamus looked up to see who it was, Grimm heard, turned around, and slammed the toilet seat lid down on his head. After that, there was a ridiculous scene where Grimm said there was a person in the toilet and nobody believed her until the Old Lady picked up the lid and saw Seamus. Then she slammed the lid on his head, too.

Then he quit. And the Old Lady said we didn't need anyone guarding the toilet. She'll be sorry when something crawls up the drains while she's using it.

Ouch. Just got a bad mental image. No. Ignoring. I'm really random tonight. Maybe sleep'll fix that.

Puck

* * *

5/2

Well, today was busy. First the Grimms all went out to see about getting a lawyer for Canis. It's been a month and the guy's still in jail, but they're finally setting up a trial- like this week. The only real lawyers in town are the merry men, by the way. I decided to stay home and work with the Chimpanzees. They'll be good for security detail in a couple days if I have anything to say about it! Then they went to see Canis in jail. Apparently he's not looking so good. More like the wolf every day. Grimm's given up on him. The Old Lady was pretty upset about that, let me tell you. She sent Grimm to her room. Very demeaning, in my opinion. I mean, she makes a good point. The guy's given up on  _himself_ , why shouldn't Grimm give up on him?

Marshmallow's decided to "grow up". She's doing this by wearing Grimm's clothes, acting like her older sister at every chance, and carrying around a pocket dictionary. It's pretty funny. Especially 'cause Grimm gets mad when the Marshmallow acts like her. She really ought to be a better role model for her sister. As in, less sarcasm, angry outbursts, and eye rolls, since all that's driving  _her_  up the wall.

Oh well. Not my business.

After lunch, we went to the library. Ugh. I'm positive that I'm allergic to books. And the librarian is a menace! He almost buried me in books! But the girls found the book they were looking for, and I saw Bluebeard! He's the most villainous Everafter in town! I almost asked for his autograph, but then he started bugging Snow, who's still not talking to the Old Lady, and the girls asked me to fix it. So I knocked over a bookcase. Then we TRIED to talk Snow into forgiving the Old Lady. Tried.

I'm kind of ticked that they made me  _not_  meet Bluebeard just to talk to some chick that's mad at us all.

I'm pooped. Bedtime!

Puck

* * *

5/3

Another crazy busy day.

The trial started today, with no warning like at all. The Hatter is the judge. That man is nuts! But hilarious. Bluebeard is the other lawyer. The... I don't no what he is but it starts with a p. Procrastinator?

Whatever. I'm not quite as awestruck by him anymore. He called the three- well, two little pigs up first. Am I the only one who thinks Swineheart looks like Elvis? Presley, not our dog. They were pretty good at defending Canis. Bluebeard managed to turn Hamstead's friendship against us, though. He is good.

There's a mystery jury guy. I wonder who he is.

Random note: I hate Wednesdays. And today is Wednesday. I think they hate me, too.

Grimm's acting weird. she's got that look in her eyes she gets when she's planning something, and every time she looks at Robin Hood, she gets this gooey happy face. No idea what's up with that, but I don't like it very much.

Oh well, I'll just have the security team keep an extra close eye on her.

I'm really tired recently, it's kind of weird...

Puck

* * *

5/4

Jake got a package this morning. It's a traveler's chest. Makes me wish I could get out of this town. I could go anyplace with that! The girls and Jake went to go look for Goldilocks in it. Unfortunately, my security team's stuck here same as me, so they had to go alone.

As soon as they got back, they had to go to the trial. Again. And we got nothing done. Again. Maybe tomorrow will be different. I doubt it. That's why I didn't go today.

MY afternoon was pretty boring, but everyone else was busy. I caught up on some sleep. Then ate dinner. Boring. I mean, food is good, but not really exciting.

Tonight, though, was way more interesting. Grimm snuck out to get some weapon out of the bank. I followed her. The weapon turned out to be a kazoo. A kazoo that can blow buildings away. I want one! But Grimm still refuses to work with my security team. Something must be done about this. But what?

DUDE I KNOW! This will be epic. Be back soon.

Puck

* * *

5/6

I haven't written anything in a while 'cause I handcuffed myself to Sabrina to keep her from sneaking off and getting hurt. Just because- you know what? I don't need to justify myself to you. Frankly, It's none of your business.

Anyway, It's been an interesting couple of days. Grimm freaked when she found out what I'd done, and then I ate the key 'cause she flat-out refused to cooperate with my bodyguards. I thought she was gonna kill me after that! Then we had to do a woodcutter search (witness for the trial or something). That was not fun. Books. Ugh. But we found him. Right before the trial started. Turns out Bluebeard found him first. That guy was so fake it's not even funny.

So after the trial, which was a failure for us, as usual, we went to question Hatchett (that's the woodcutter) and found out that the wolf was actually the one who saved Red. Hatchett just ran and hid. Sad, really. But we found this out 'cause I changed into the Wolf (THAT was fun) and scared him silly! I don't know why he fell for it, 'cause I was still stuck to Grimm, but...

Last night was extremely awkward, by the way. I forgot that I was handcuffed to Sabrina and that meant we had to sleep in the same spot. *shudder* So we slept on the trampoline in my room. And about halfway through the night I gave Grimm a lecture about how dumb she was being and how she ought to be a better role model for the Marshmallow. That's been bugging me for a while. And she calls ME immature.

But that wasn't the worst part. I completely spilled the beans about watching her put on her makeup, and not only that, I told her I thought she was pretty! Then we both agreed to forget that night ever even happened. I don't seem to be able to. Stupid brain.

So today Jake and Daphne went off to find Goldilocks. Again. Grimm didn't go, for the obvious reason that she was handcuffed to me. But then Goldilocks almost got caught by the Black Knight, who's apparently been following her for a while, and Grimm used lockpicks to unhandcuff us. Then she followed them with some plant of Briar's that can grow REALLY fast. It didn't go quite the way she planned. The Marshmallow and Jake found out about the kazoo, Daphne's not talking to Grimm, and Goldilocks isn't coming back to wake up their parents. Poor girl. But I DID warn her. But Marshmallow has the kazoo now, which is probably better.

I'm now going to sleep on my nice, big, EMPTY trampoline.

Puck

* * *

5/7

Today was the last day of the trial.

We lost.

BUT, the Marshmallow cured Red's crazyness, Red told the true story, which is really cool, and everyone's alive. Grimm's trying to be a better person too. I wish her luck. She's gonna need it.

The true story is that Red was always crazy, and her grandma was trying to fix her. She was testing the kazoo on a rabid wolf when Red and Canis walked in. The wolf's craziness somehow got into Canis and he turned into the wolf. He ate Red's grandma, and almost ate Red, but he got control back long enough to save her.

It turns out that our mystery jury man was Charming, by the way. He's now good again, and Bluebeard is dead. Canis was almost dead, but the Merry Men saved him. They're all (including Snow and Charming) living in the hills somewhere, hiding from the Scarlet Hand. And Canis isn't crazy anymore, either. It was a very weird day. And I'm exhausted, which is why I'm probably not making any sense right now. Grimm turned into the wolf, but the Marshmallow fixed her, too. (I'm so jealous. I want to be the wolf!)

Goodnight,

Pu


	7. Ever During War

5/8

Today was really weird. First, I got woken up majorly early by a party or something in Mirror's room because of Goldilocks. (Turns out she came back after all.) She tried to wake them up, but it didn't quite work the way it was supposed to.

After that, Smirt came back AGAIN and took them away. Daphne sort of thought that would happen eventually after the whole deal in New York, so she talked to me a couple months ago. And when Smirt got here, she somehow found time to talk to me about it some more, which is good because I completely forgot about it 5 seconds or so after she told me (What? I thought of the best prank ever!) and she still got downstairs about five seconds after Sabrina. I don't know how she does these things. Those girls are amazing. Forget I said that.

When I was flying off to rescue them AGAIN, their parents woke up. I told the Old Lady what I was doing and she said she'd follow me, because, honestly, I didn't want to get caught up in some mushy family reunion for some people I've never even met. Well, I met Veronica a few times... But not Henry. Goldilocks didn't look like she wanted to be there very much either, now that I think about it.

Rescuing them was hilarious! I never realized Smirt could be so much fun from what Daphne told me! And Sabrina completely spazzed out when she saw me at the window. Except for the whole barrier thing, it was AWESOME! Yeah, the barrier kind of stunk. I got stuck in it and almost got crushed. Not fun. Sabrina tried to stop the train, but that sort of failed. We had to forgetful dust the whole train after that 'cause I turned into a rhino to get out, but we didn't dust Smirt. Now there's a 'crazy' caseworker trying to convince an orphanage in New York that Everafters are real.

Then there was ANOTHER reunion scene. Reminded me of MY last family reunion. Everyone was happy for about five seconds. Then Henry was all like 'magic is evil! Daphne is five! We're moving back to New York!' That part was not happy. I don't really need to tell you it was a really awkward ride home. Especially because about halfway through it Henry called me Peter Pan and I sort of lost it and ripped the roof off the car so it shrunk 'cause Jake used this stretchy powder on it or something and it doesn't work unless you use it on an enclosed space. I was next to Sabrina. Need I say more? Yeah. I left.

The Grimms REALLY need a new car.

When they got home they started packing and arguing and stuff. I was kind of not okay with that. I mean, I figured Henry would want to leave, but this quick? Not really okay. That went on for a while. Henry and Jake fight more than Sabrina and Daphne! Right when they were about to leave we got attacked by an army of Scarlet Handers. They cut the power lines and the water and shot Jake, so we locked the house and left.

Did you know that Mirror has back doors into the other mirrors? I didn't. Cool, no? He also has this AWESOME trolley (a trolley is a bus, apparently). I didn't know that either. Anyway, the trolley goes, like, a million miles an hour and it made everyone but me feel sick. Success, if you ask me.

So yeah, we ended up in this place Charming built overnight called- take a guess- Camp Charming. That guy is so full of himself. I got a full tour. Grimm and the Marshmallow didn't. See, they left again. I'm really starting to not like this Henry dude. He's taking away my main attack focus! Because I don't care about her in ANY other way. At all. But she came back anyway, so even if I did care, which I don't, it's all good still.

Oh, we met Pinocchio. He talks weird. Uses big words like 'all in good time' and 'embrace' and 'vessel'. I don't like him. Sabrina stared at him all through dinner. Why would she do that? I mean, really! He looks stupid, he talks funny, he's- smart. Like she is. Wait. I didn't say that, because I don't like her. At all. Good riddance. But I still don't like him.

Did you know the Marshmallow's birthday is in two weeks? I think I'll get her a present. That'll make Grimm mad. AND it'll make the Marshmallow happy. DOUBLE WIN!

Why would a hobgoblin have a mirror? I've met some. They're NOT big mirror people. Fishy, if you ask me. (Don't ask. Long story.)

Grimm wants to leave. Also not a happy thing. What would I do without her? Life would be so boring without someone to prank like her. No one else reacts right. Oh, that reminds me, she's infected me with a weird virus called puberty, so I declared war on her. It apparently means you grow up. WE GOT MARRIED IN THE FUTURE. This is a national emergency. Call in everyone, I need professional help.

So I stormed off to make war plans. Except that I forgot all my stuff's back in my room, which is shut because Mirror won't let me on the trolley 'cause he's a freaking jerkface. I mean, I could just fly back, but I'm NOT flying a bunch of chimpanzees and all my stuff back here. I'd need about ten more arms.

This needs thinking about.

Night,

Puck

* * *

5/9

Briar's dead.

Jake took Grimm and the Marshmallow out to find her last night and when they found her, the Hand was attacking her. They tried to save her, but she got toasted by a dragon when they were running off.

Dragons are cool. Briar dying is not.

Jake's heartbroken. This is the worst thing that could happen to him. Sort of makes me wonder what I'd be like if... never mind. We won't continue that train of thought.

On the plus side, Charming finally got what he wanted. People signed up for his army, which is what he's been trying for for... two days now. Then Canis came and asked us for a whole bunch of things for that army. I don't care, honestly, but the Old Lady had a family meeting and we all voted. Grimm said yes. I really don't know why. Maybe it's 'cause the Marshmallow's still mad at her.

They spent the rest of the afternoon training people to use the magic stuff. Boring.

I got the best idea ever, though. They have a bunch of pegasuses (Pegasuss? I don't think that's right.) and one of them farted while I was in there and I got to thinking about how horses have VERY sensitive digestive systems and if they were fed the right stuff, it would cause problems. Very messy problems. Those problems, because they're attached to flying horses, could be directed at a certain Grimm I'm at war with. Get my drift?

Gotta go feed them their next serving, then it's off to bed.

Puck

* * *

5/10

The plan went amazingly! It's going to take Mirror DAYS to clan up that mess!

Plus I got one right on top of Grimm! She fainted. Sissy! I mean, seriously! It's just a bit of diarrhea!

Other than that, not much happened. I tested a few pranks of Pinocchio. I still don't like him. I also thought of something else.

Water toadies! Mirror left a bunch of eggs lying around. This is gonna be rich! ...Once she wakes up.

Boredly yours,

Puck.

* * *

5/11

Grimm's awake again. I played a million pranks on her. She's not doing much back except threatening me and glaring. I mean, yeah, her glares are enough to terrify even the bravest of soldiers, but I was hoping for a bit more action. She's not the most fun person to be at war with. You should have seen her face when she turned green, though! It was the BEST! Too bad Jake had the remedy. She'll grow a tail, but that won't last NEARLY as long.

They went to war today. That failed. Canis thinks we've got a spy. I kind of agree with him. It goes with the whole sabotage thing that's been going on.

The dentist lady died. That stinks. Except that it leaves the job open for me since I'm apparently being forced to grow up.

Grimm spent almost the whole time they were gone with Pinocchio! Just 'cause he gave her some stupid puppet that looks like her, she spent the whole day teaching him to fly the carpet! Who needs that long? And why didn't the Marshmallow teach him? She's way better at that stuff! RRGH. This calls for more pranks. I'll show her to pay attention to somebody else after infecting me.

Charming has another plan for tomorrow. He doesn't really get that the whole spy issue makes plans a bad idea, does he?

Grimm and her dad had a talk after Charming's speech, and they both looked a lot happier after that. Maybe she changed her mind...

Buenos Noches,

Puck

* * *

5/12

Another busy day.

Charming took them out for the battle- which they won, for once. He gave them a fake plan, and it proved we've got a spy.

We also found who the spy is. Pinocchio. I knew it! Didn't I say that I didn't like him? Didn't I?

Then we got attacked. That was actually pretty cool. I got to use a catapult AND the world's biggest squirt gun!

'Course, I knocked Grimm off the tower 'cause it ran out of water and I thought she broke it. That was extremely not fun. She almost died! Actually, techincally I saved her life again. If I hadn't given her the water toadie egg, she wouldn't've taken the cure that made her grow a tail, and the tail is what saved her! The only problem with my logic is that I'm the one who knocked her off the tower in the first place. ...Which kind of... was... not okay. A lot. HolycrapIalmostkilledher... It's okay. She's alive. She's not dead. It all worked out. I'm not freaked or anything.

I KILLED A DRAGON! That has got to be the coolest thing I've ever done.

We're back at home now, the fort's kind of destroyed and stuff. My hair's sticking straight up, which is neat, except that it itches, 'cause I was putting the power lines back together. We have water again, too.

Jake and Charming's army are off to do battle. They had to abandon camp. They better get back safe. I hope they bring me another dragon.

Puck

* * *

5/13

It's like one in the morning. Grimm just woke me up about a puppet. I never touched the puppets! I mean, really, why would I want to? Stupid girls. I'll never understand them.

One thing I do know is, if she wakes me up again, I'll hurt her. Very badly.

Puck


	8. Insider's Story

Boy do I have something to tell you!

You know how I wrote that if Grimm woke me up again because of those puppets I'd kill her? It turned out that she wasn't just being weird, the puppets were moving.

ON THEIR OWN.

It was kind of freaky, and you know how I said that Pinocchio was a traitor? The puppets were his minions. He attacked us a bunch of times with them. And then we captured him, dragged him around for a while, and are still dragging him around until we find Ghepetto, who will punish him for being a brat. We hope.

I was going to try and go in order of what happened, but I changed my mind. Some of it is too important.

Sabrina and I had some... interesting moments. She was being stupid, again, and I had to set her straight, again. Marshmallow helped some, though. This time Grimm thought every decision she'd ever made was stupid and she was afraid to lead anymore. It caused some problems, 'cause she's always been the leader. 'Course, Daphne and I were glad to get a chance to actually have a choice in something, but it's nice that she got past that, especially since she's realized that she can be in charge and still ask for other people's opinions. Go Grimm! You've finally figured out what the rest of us knew all along! Way to not be stupid!

Sense the sarcasm?

We also had a couple other incidents with poison apples and my stupid stomach that's never done eating and Grimm's mouth and my face and feelings that I don't quite want to mention and the fact that we MAY not be getting married anymore! And my completely weird disappointment about this and utter confusion and hating growing up but almost being happy about it and did I mention confusion?

My life has been turned on its tail, spun around, dumped upside-down and inside out, without telling me, an I've been left on my own to figure out how to deal with it. And I hate it.

Moving on from this crazy uncomfortable topic, the Old Lady is now possessed by Mirror. This is awful. It may be one of the worst things that ever happened to me in my entire life. Then again, I'M not the one who's possessed by the wacked-out guardian of a giant walk-in closet, so she's probably enjoying this less than I am. I guess. Do you know what's going on when you're being possessed?

I miss her. I've never really missed anyone before, not my family when I left Faerie, not my friends when I moved on, not even my dad, and he's dead. I've never had any important... bond to anyone in the entire history of the known universe, but I miss this little old German woman who cooks the weirdest food and adopts everyone she sees. What is wrong with me?

But still, before now, it was nice, actually caring. And knowing she cared about me. I wonder if this is what being human is like? Making important relationships even though they don't last long? A hundred years, if you're lucky? Still, none of them seem like they're depressed about it. They live their lives, and they like it, because it's all they've ever known. Maybe all they're supposed to know.

I'm getting philosophical. I blame puberty.

Back to what happened.

I met a giant named Oogh. He was amazing. If and when I have a wedding, which may not happen now, (a shame 'cause I planned the whole thing out and everything) he's supposed to be my best man, but he's actually just a character in a book, so I'm not sure he'll be able to make it to the wedding, but if he can be there, he'll be my best man. If he can't, Mom will probably make me make Mustardseed the best man. Or one of those heads-of-state she's always trying to impress.

Maybe I'll elope.

Except I'm not going to get married, or grow up, or be mature, ever, part of me is screaming right now. That's the loud part, the part everyone sees. I've decided this is going to be the side of me no one knows about, the side that can admit that girls aren't stupid cootie queens whose job is to make sandwiches, the side that maybe likes some things that have happened, the side that understands humans more than fairies.

Also in important news, Grimm and Marshmallow have a baby brother! Mirror's plan involved taking their baby brother through the Book of Everafter, wreaking havoc, and possessing the baby, using his body to get out of both the magic mirror and Ferryport Landing. Pretty cool, actually, aside from the baby-is-Grimm's-brother side of it. He didn't get to do it, though, because the girls wanted their brother back, and the Old Lady kind of trapped Mirror in her body, so now he's all old and female and ridiculous.

Marshmallow tried to name the baby the whole time we were rescuing him. It was really funny, because Grimm shot down all the names as soon as Daphne tried them out, because she refused to accept that it's the parent's job to name the baby. Not that mine did a particularly good job. I mean, Puck and Mustardseed? Really? Mine's better. At least it's not a plant.

The parents named the baby Basil. Also a plant name. I liked Oogh (One of Marshmallow's suggestions) better.

Hey, has anyone else noticed that Grimm and Marshmallow got their parents back, then lost their grandmother and maybe their uncle less than a week later? Those girls just can't win.

Another reason not to join their family! As soon as they get one person, they lose another one! So if I DID ever marry Grimm, please no please no oh who am I kidding I give up, someone else would go missing right after that.

...Which would involve rescue missions and tons of fun. But no honeymoon. I like rescue missions better, anyway. DUDE! That could BE the honeymoon!

Yeah, this is kind of what my train of thought was like the whole time we were in that stupid book. I figured if I had to get married, I'd at least get some good out of it, like awesome decorations made of body parts and grossness and spiders and all that, and some of that stuff I've wanted like an atomic peashooter. Grimm didn't seem too happy about that.

Speaking of Ms. Snootypants, she managed to almost get herself killed like, twenty times while we were there! She got attacked by Atticus, the evil erased character of doom, almost choked, turned into many, many characters who all just  _happened_  to be in mortal peril, AND she was stupid enough to run from the headless horseman WITH HIS HEAD after taunting him with it! SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY! I wish she could stay out of trouble for ONE FRIGGIN' DAY. That's all. Not too much to ask, is it?

I mean, when we had the three months of nothing, and we were doing training and stuff, that was different. I was doing it then, and I might embarrass her to the moon and back, but I'd never let her DIE, and then she goes out to the real world and it's like she forgets she can get killed. What happens if I'm not there someday? She can't really take care of herself, especially if she's not thinking, and that happens a LOT. She needs to remember how VULNERABLE she is (see that? I used a big word).

Because humans are. It doesn't take a strong poison to kill them, just a bit of arsenic, no special mixes, no magicked swords, no spells. Honestly, you could just lock one up for a century and that'd be it. They're so FRAGILE! I don't know how they stand it.

Why couldn't I have been adopted by someone NOT mortal?

Except... then I'd never have met the Grimms. No Daphne, who is the closest thing to a partner in crime I've ever had, No Relda, who was my mother when mine gave up on me, no Jake, someone to compete with and steal things from, no Basil, who's small and adorable and just SCREAMING to be my prodigy when he learns to walk, no Veronica, who's just like her daughters. No Henry, who's even more fun to mess with than Grimm, and... no Grimm. No pranks, no midnight talks, no setting each other straight, no competitions, no unspoken understanding, no... everything.

I take it back, I don't want to lose it.

I just wish it didn't have to end.

Gotta go, the Marshmallow's calling.

-Puck


	9. We All Need Some Counseling

Hello, diary-journal-thing.

I feel kind of stupid writing in you right now. Hope you know that.

Anyway. It's been kind of boring the past couple days. We're not doing anything except living in the mirror. With bratboy Pinocchio. Nothing really to write about 'til now.

But guess what happened today?

I got to go on an adventure while Grimm had to babysit!

I mean, she followed anyway 'cause she's an idiot, but still. I got invited to go while she and the Marshmallow were supposed to stay home. Serves them right. It's where the women belong. Home cleaning and taking care of brats.

Anyway. We were going to look for the Old Lady, since she's been all possessed by Mirror. We found her... him... them shooting lightning at the Barrier and doing absolutely no good at all. The girls followed us (me and Henry), and Sabrina was all like 'oh, woe is me, my parents aren't letting me do anything' even though like two days ago she was afraid of responsibility.

Then we met Grendel. That was just amazing. Do you know how many crazy monsters there are in this town now that everything in the Hall of Wonders got let out? It's awesome! I mean, there's no end to the stuff I could kill if I wanted to. And this guy just took the cake. He was hairy and lumpy and oozing slime and wonderfully disgusting. I got to hit it with my gag balloons (new invention: Sabrina Grimm tested and quality ensured).

I've rethought my opinion of Henry Grimm, by the way. He seemed kind of stupid and stuffy before, but he's cool now. He fought Grendel with me, and he didn't even have any weapons! He kind of passed out in the process, but he's still a neat guy. A lot more fun than Jake is right now. He's gone all doom and gloom 'my girlfriend is dead I must get revenge' on everyone. It's boring.

Everyone else seems worried, though. Worried enough that they moved us into some new castle-fort thing to keep an eye on him. He keeps muttering about how he's going to kill Heart and Nottingham, so I can see why they'd be freaked out. They're wimps and murder scares them. I mean, sure, I got a bit protective when Bluebeard was around the girls, but this is Heart and Nottingham! The bad guys! Why shouldn't he kill them? At least he had the guts to go running off into the woods at the drop of the hat, instead of just sitting around like we're doing.

Oh! While I'm thinking about it: alligators. Gotta get some. They can help Mordred's evil buildings (so awesome. I need to get him to teach me to do that) protect our castle fort.

I got to watch Pinocchio get totally busted today. He tried to make his dad think we'd been enormous jerkwads to him (I'd have liked him gone, but they made him stay so he didn't run off to betray us again), and Ghepetto was all like 'Right. Totally. No.' and it was awesome.

And MORE people have the love bug! Mr. Seven and Morgan Le Fay. It's really ridiculous 'cause he's like three feet shorter than she is and bald and funny looking and she's... well, she's hot (tell anyone I said that and you will burn, book). But yeah. It's still gross 'cause they're 'in love' and... yeah. It was bad enough when it was just Snow and Charming. Now it seems like there's mushy people everywhere I look! I hope it's not contagious. I can't have Grimm doing that to me. I mean, even if we're going to get married maybe, that doesn't mean we're going to do... that.

And the biggest thing that happened today is that Grimm and the Marshmallow got turned into the only possible saviors of the world. I thought it was a joke at first, but these mirrors- which are a lot more powerful than I thought, by the way. They see the future (futures, actually) and stuff without being asked sometimes- they say that those two are the only ones who can save the whole world. Bunny came over and made them talk.

Henry tried to kidnap them after that, which pulled him back down on the coolness scale a bit, but I guess I get it. He didn't want his kids in danger. Not like he can avoid it, but I can see why he'd want to lock them up out of the way. I might have tried, too, but I already have, and it didn't work really well. Veronica made him stay.

I'm glad. It'd be pretty boring around here if they were gone. Plus we'd probably all die. Which isn't cool. But tomorrow is going to be everything not boring 'cause everyone wants to tell the girls what to do, and they're getting swamped, and it's hilarious. I'm going to go watch some more.

Hasta banana,

Puck.

* * *

Well, today was interesting.

Hi, by the way.

Back to today.

The Marshmallow decided that she was going to make a coven, which is like, three witches together, and she picked Morgan, Snow's mom, and Baba Yaga. It was a fight getting her to join, but now she's here! With us! It's pretty exciting. Everyone else is terrified of her. And that just makes it more awesome.

We also saw Mirror/Old Lady and the crazy guy that popped out of the Book of Everafter. They were all like 'we kill you,' and Baba Yaga was like 'yeah right no,' and it was awesome. She's gonna take Snow's mom's eyes once this thing is done. Something about it being the 'source of her power' or something crazy like that.

That was about it, really. Except that I told Henry I'm marrying his kid. I hope I wasn't supposed to double-check that with her first. She didn't say anything, so I guess it's OK.

Yours in awe(someness),

El Numero Uno.

* * *

Greetings.

Today Grimm was going to do her thing and be all 'army leader'. She failed. Totally.

'Course, that was 'cause there was this wedding, but still. She failed.

And I maybe possibly a little bit told her she was pretty, but not much. And mostly 'cause she was wearing a dress. While we were dancing together. Which happened somehow. I don't really know how. And I totally didn't ask her or anything.

Because she never wears dresses. Just that.

And because maybe it was true.

A little.

And I am not saying anything more than that.

Before I make an idiot of myself, goodnight.

But... oh man, she's going to get killed out there! She needs to look strong. Needs to. And she's not doing it. I'm going to have to make her, aren't I? I'm going to have to torture her again, and this time it's not going to be fun.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

-Puck

P.S: I also got the happy couple a dead skunk. Perfect wedding gift. I hope someone's this thoughtful when I get married. Also Charming actually made a good speech.

* * *

Hi.

So Sabrina hates me now. I'm still trying to decide whether or not it's worth it.

See, Snow started her training today, and she and Daphne were acting way babyish, so I figured I'd get them back on their feet with some sword fighting, 'cause she could show her skills with that a little more. But she just gave up on me. And I couldn't stop, because now this is the real deal, and she needs to know that! She could die out there, and besides that, she has to show all these people what she's made of. And she's not doing a good job of it. But they gave up, so I had to be hard on them. And they didn't like it.

I hate the look she got when I did it, though. It made me feel guilty. I think it must be a skill that runs in the family, because she and the Old Lady are the only two that ever made me feel like I'd done something wrong. It's weird. I really wish I could make it up to her, but the only way she'll forgive me is if I go baby her, and she can't be babied right now.

And then she went and took her parents' idea to go get some of the Scarlet Hand on our side! It's not going to work. Doesn't she get that it has to be HER that does it? HER. Not Henry. Not Veronica. Her. The prophecy wouldn't have said 'Sabrina and Daphne' had to save the world if Henry and Veronica could come up with the idea.

I'm going to bed. Otherwise I'm just going to get angry.

-Puck

* * *

Hey

So now Jake's gone.

And on another note, I've decided I'm just going to ignore them 'til they come to their senses. I tried to talk to Grimm about it, but she just went all 'grownups know best' on me, which I never thought I'd hear her say. So until she sees how retarded she's being, I'm going to avoid them. I'll just get ticked. Or worse, Sabrina will get emotional, and what if I give in? She needs me to point out just how stupid she's being now. She needs someone who can be tough on her.

So I'm just going to ignore her.

-Puck

* * *

Greetings, all-knowing book of knowledge!

Today we went to talk to he Scarlet Hand (Veronica's plan), and because of that, Mr. Seven DIED. And Grimm still thinks she's better off letting the grownups lead. Look what happens when she does that! I mean, sure we got a few more people (that Bella girl and her family, but not a lot of useful people otherwise), but I can't stop thinking that if she'd thought up her own plan, nobody would have died.

Grimm's so... impossible! I really don't know what I see in her.

But we did find out what's up with Bunny and them, why Snow's story got changed. Turns out she was supposed to marry Atticus and then he'd kill her, and Charming wasn't even in the story, really. Bunny rewrote it and made herself the bad guy so she could make sure the bad guy did whatever she wanted. Charming totally freaked when he found out Bunny rewrote HIM, and he ran off.

We're just full of heartbroken single women: Beauty, 'cause the Beast and her kid hate her, Morgan 'cause her husband just died, and Snow 'cause she's in love with a jerk who's going through a personality crisis. And maybe Sabrina, but that's 'cause she's an idiot.

So all in all, not a very good day. Maybe Grimm will finally see sense and start planning for herself after this.

Goodnight.

-Puck

* * *

And back the next day!

I had it out with Grimm today, 'cause she let Arthur and Robin Hood take over for her. I wasn't actually going to yell at her, but I was going to leave, and then she grabbed me while I was flying off! And then she let go, at like five hundred feet in the air! (So she was too tired to hang on. If she'd been practicing with Snow like she was supposed to, she'd have had more muscle.) So then she was all like 'what's wrong with you?' So I told her.

I still don't think it worked. I mean, she didn't call off the plan or anything. And there was no 'kiss and make up-'ing, much as Daphne would have liked there to be. She kind of just left. She looks so... defeated. I hate it. She's supposed to be strong! She's always wanted a chance to prove how strong she is! Why isn't she doing it now that she can? I just don't understand!

The best I can get is she's an idiot. I don't know what I see in her.

Good Night.

-El Puckeroo

* * *

She did it! I knew she would! I knew she'd shape up! I'm so proud of her, she's finally acting smart, like herself again! Oh, I can't believe it, she's-

Right. Moving on. Explanation and stuff. Hi.

So Arthur and Robin brought their plan to action, and it went awful, just like I knew it would. 'Cause, you know, SABRINA leading the way, not them and all. And she stayed behind and talked to the mirrors for a bit, and then all of a sudden she was making a speech, and lo and behold, we're going to fight using  _her_  skills! Not Robin's 'jump in and make the enemy look stupid while I show off and win' stuff, or Arthur's 'I'm in charge, so I have to win' idea. Her sneakiness. Her stupid amazing wonderful criminal gifts!

I'm so happy I could... I gotta go prank someone.

See ya,

Puck

* * *

Hi.

Big day today. Big, awesome, busy day.

Most importantly: Grimm told me to set up pranks all over everywhere tonight! It was awesome, and I got to get help from whoever I wanted and whatever stuff I wanted and... OMG IT WAS SO FUN.

Bunny opened a way into my room, so I had everything. The chimps, the goop, the municipal toxic waste dump (it's leaking, I have to repair that), the springs, that bubble-gum web I was saving for Grimm, the balloons, the ropes, the super plant food that makes them grow huge...

Second most important: Sabrina's plan was to lure the entire Scarlet Hand into the fort and then put up a barrier around it and leave. And it worked! She kind of saved my butt, but I don't mind too much, 'cause she's back on her game. I figure she can use the confidence boost. I do mind that she called me 'hers', though. That's just not cool, man. It's the other way around. Everybody knows that! Morgan and Mordred stayed behind, though. Something stupid about not abandoning her love or whatever. I mean, seriously. He's dead! It's a shame. Mordred was fun.

Third important: Jake took Heart with him. It's official. The dude is insane. I mean, first he wants to kill her, now he wants to save her? What is going on here?

Anyway, we're hiding on a hill that Pinocchio (who's being less of a jerky idiot but still spending way too much time with Sabrina) picked out, and she's sneaking out. Snow was crying, and now they're heading out together. I should go see what they're up to. Really I should.

But I'm really friggin' tired. I'll ask her about it in the morning.

-Puck

* * *

Today was just as busy as yesterday, and I'm still tired, diary. Journal. You're a journal. NOT a diary. See how tired I am?

We caught people with my pranks all day, and then Sabrina decided we had to move, 'cause they obviously knew where we were. And then I had to set them up all over again. I mean, I'm not complaining, really, I just want to take a nap. A lot.

Also it turns out that last night Sabrina and Snow went to talk to Charming, and it failed. I think it might have worked if Snow had just stayed away, from what she told Daphne that I... happened to overhear.

I'm beat.

-Puck

* * *

More of the same today. I'm really starting to get a bit awed by Grimm's strategy. I wish she'd talk to me, though. She's like, ignoring me. She probably thinks I deserve it because I was right. Women logic.

-Puck

* * *

Today was NOT the same. At all.

It started out that way, but then Sabrina and the Marshmallow went to talk to the mirrors, and when they came out, the mirrors were all exploded and Sabrina had this funny cut on her arm. And then Atticus showed up and completely ignored all my traps and almost killed them and everyone else and then DID kill Ghepetto, and Bella's mom (she doesn't deserve it, but her daughter might. A little), and Friar Tuck, and Lancelot. I... I feel different. I mean, they're all just... gone. I'm an Everafter. I'm not used to losing people. Practially everyone I know is going to live forever. But suddenly they're not. And it's scary.

But back to today. I have to tell it in order, otherwise I'll get all jumbled up. Atticus took Snow with him when he left, and we had to go get Charming, and we gave him one of our miraculous pep talks that involve much insulting, which, of course, did the trick. It always works on Grimm. And then after that we went after Atticus, and Snow killed him. She and Charming are getting married. Not that I care.

She wouldn't have been able to beat him if it wasn't for Red. She took on the Wolf! He's back! I'm going to have so much fun with this girl, you have no idea. And we don't have the kazoo to fix him this time.

Then Sabrina passed out. She's out cold, still. I don't know why, but Baba Yaga keeps looking at that cut, and it's kind of scaring me. Nothing we can do 'til she wakes up, though. It's more reason I'm weirded out about people dying. I mean, what if she dies? I think I'd go insane, honestly. I can't handle it. I... sappy as this is, I kind of need her.

Moving on, Heart and Nottingham are dead. Jake killed them with a giant rosebush. And now he finally looks less insane, scary as it is that he had to kill two people who weren't even the reason Briar died to do it. I hope Grimm doesn't die. What if I turn into Jake?

I'm gonna go check on Sabrina.

-Puck

* * *

She's still asleep. I'm scared. Nothing else happened. Goodbye.

* * *

It's over. I can't believe it. It's all... finished. We won.

Sabrina woke up, and it turned out that the cut got a whole lot of mirror power in her, and she was going to die if she didn't use it all up, and that was scary scary scary 'cause she couldn't even walk she was so messed up, and I couldn't even tell her to act strong 'cause I could tell so hard she was trying to it HURT, so I had to act it for her, and it was so hard to pretend I knew it was all going to work out when I didn't, but I did.

She wanted everyone to leave while she went to Mirror, but we obviously didn't go for that. And then Daphne... Daphne's a witch now. She and Baba Yaga and Bunny are all 'coven' or whatever, and they brought down the barrier. I'm free. I came back for Sabrina, and now I can leave whenever I want.

And then Mirror was going to kill everyone, so Sabrina dragged him up this mountain, and I don't know what happened there, but they came down and she was suddenly Not Going To Die and looking healthy again, and Mirror was not evil. And then he left Granny and died or turned into the planet or something crazy like that.

And that was it. It's over. I don't even know what to do with myself now. I mean, they're going to leave, obviously. There's no town left for them. So... who am I going to go with? It's going to be awesome, but I need to seriously rethink my life plans. So many people to prank, so many places to destroy...

Excuse me while I go plan. I've got a world in front of me.

-He Who is Free


	10. Thirteen Years in a Day

**[Transcriber's Note: Not all journal entries from this point onward have been recorded, only ones deemed interesting or pertinent enough to include.]**

Jake asked me to leave with him today.

I think I'm gonna do it.

He's going to travel the world and do what he was doing before, he says. We all know he's really just running away again, because he can't stand living in a place where someone he loved died, even if it's not his fault this time. Not really. They'd have killed Briar even if she didn't love him.

I'm going 'cause I want to see the world, though. I want to go off and do stuff. It's been ten years. A lot can change in that long. And I can always come back to visit.

I've got to tell everyone, bye.

-Puck

* * *

They took it better than I thought they would. Even Sabrina seemed mostly OK with it, and I thought she'd get angry and kill me. Maybe she's glad I'll be going after all.

Oh well. I'll be back to visit. They're not going to get rid of me that easy.

I don't have to pack anything, even, 'cause since they got my bedroom back open, I can take it with me anyplace! So Jake and I don't even have to worry about places to stay or hotels or anything! We're just going to travel and sleep in my bedroom! It's going to be so awesome.

We're heading out now, gotta go.

-Puck

* * *

We're in RUSSIA!

Russia, by the way, happens to be the land of alcoholic drinks. Jake says it's 'cause it's so cold, they need to drink to keep themselves warm. He also says it's 'cause everything's so boring outside, so they have huge parties.

I don't think it's boring, I think it's fantastic! All the weird clothes and funny buildings and snow (we're in an older part of one of the cities. Jake says other parts are more like the rest of the world)... THIS is why I wanted to come with him! Everything's new and exciting and different!

I kind of wish Grimm was here so she could see it, too, and I could prank her in a new place, or that the Marshmallow was here and I could fool her into believing that Baba Yaga's cannibalism was the norm here, and all the old people would eat her, but I can deal.

We're here 'cause Jake got a call from one of his friends. They're complaining about a problem with a Wivvurn, or something. We're heading out soon to deal with it. Which is the other reason I came with him. I'd get bored, just sitting at home all day. And... school! Ew.

guten tag or whatever they say here,

* * *

Turns out it's spelled Wyvern, and it's like a dragon, but without front legs. Fierce and dangerous and creepy and huge, but no match for the Trickster King! I killed it in about five minutes!

Well, OK, it was more like an hour, and Jake helped a lot. So did his friend. And it maybe gave me a huge burn on the leg. But still. I did most of it. I think I'm going to mail Grimm a few of its teeth. I'd send her the whole severed head, but Jake's friend says I can't. Smell or postage or something.

-Puck

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: They bummed around Russia for about two weeks while Puck's extremely severe burn healed, and nothing particularly interesting happened between this journal entry and the next.]**

* * *

I got a letter from Sabrina today. Don't feel like writing what it says or holding on to it where it might get lost, so I'm pasting it in here:

_Dear Puck,_

_We've got the house rebuilt. It's official, we're staying here. I think Granny guilted Dad into it. But even if she hadn't, we can't pick our lives back up in NYC. Mom's still trying to sort through all the paperwork just so we can get our money out of the bank. Maybe we'll move back after that if I'm lucky. I miss the city.  
_

_Daphne and I are enrolled in an online school until things get rebuilt around here. We've cleaned everything up, but rebuilding has barely started. So mom bought a laptop and I'm now part of a charter school. It's actually a good plan, 'cause it'll make it easier for us to catch up on everything we missed._

_But what do you care? You hate school._

_Granny says to tell you she loves you and misses you. Daphne says the same thing, except she also says to tell you that_ I  _love you and miss you. She's a weirdo. Mom says to tell Uncle Jake not to get in too much trouble. Dad says he's glad you're gone. I don't think he really means it... Much._

_So... A Wyvern! Wish I'd been with you. It's kind of a letdown, after all the action, to be safe again. I know. You're probably rolling your eyes and thinking that I really ought to just make up my mind. Well, I'm trying. And it really is nice to have some normalcy. Just not too much, I guess. I really just want one thing in my life that's normal. Maybe I'll get that when school starts._

_I kind of miss you a little, I guess._

_-Sabrina_

Now that's downright mushy, for her.

* * *

Now that the mystery of the missing cookware is solved, Jake thinks it's time to head back home. It's the Old Lady's birthday or something. And apparently that's more important than Christmas. Of course we don't go home over Christmas. Who cares about that? It's just presents and food and so much snow to dump down certain girls' coats. Who needs that?

'Course, I guess I should be grateful we're going back at all. I hope nothing's changed. I'd hate to go back and have it be all awkward...

* * *

It wasn't awkward! Hoopla!

That's the Marshmallow's new word, hoopla. Sabrina says she's losing her touch. She might be right. All I pointed out is that it's really close to 'hookah', and then Henry got mad at me. Then I pranked Sabrina, and she got mad at me. It was a beautiful thing, if I do say so myself. I used the powdered tiger fur I picked up in Shanghai, and (I know it's really dumb and it's been done) I put it in her hair dryer. So she came out of the bathroom covered in little bits of orange and black. And it ITCHED! It was wonderful! She had to take three more showers to get it all off, and she's still shedding orange stuff.

The Old Lady told me that the best birthday present I could give her would be for me not to prank anyone while I'm here. I told her I can't do that, that I've got to prank everyone as much as possible while I'm here, to make up for when I'm gone again. Sabrina said that she's got enough leftover prank from when I lived here before to make up for it.

She has no idea what I have in store for her.

* * *

Welp, today's the day we head back out.

I talked with Sabrina for a while before I left. She seemed pretty mad at first (might have had something to do with all the chicken feathers in her hair. Or how they got there), but after a while we were just talking, and it was nice. I'm actually going to miss her, crazy as that sounds. Missing a girl. Who'd have ever thought that would happen to me?

Might have something to do with the fact that she kissed me, though. Even if it was just on the cheek. And if she wiped her mouth afterward. SHE kissed ME! And it wasn't life or death or eternal sleep!

This is just so... I don't even know.

* * *

**[Transcriber's note: They went to Faerie for several months on a call from Mustardseed, taking Veronica with them.]**

* * *

I seriously hate my mom. Like, you have no idea how much she needs to burn in acid. She's kicking Veronica out! I mean, yeah, sure, Veronica wants to go home and see her family and all, but seriously. We need her here! Mustardseed said so, so it must be true.

Mom says she's tired of 'human interference in Faerie matters,' and that we can manage just fine without all these newfangled ideas. Or something like that. We all tried to remind her how much Veronica's helped, but no dice. And then we asked why Jake could stay, and she just hedged. I think it's 'cause she knows that if Jake goes, I go.

They're trying to set up a system that uses the money from Dad's 'taxes' to help other Everafters in NYC who need it, kind of like Welfare. Veronica thinks that Mom's doing it wrong, 'cause she's not going to be restricting it enough, and it's more like handouts than help, and she thinks that we ought to just try to give them all jobs, or help them get their own, instead of going 'hey, free money, everyone!' Most people agree with her. The ones with jobs think she's right 'cause they don't want to pay to support everyone else, and most of the ones without jobs are too proud to take the handouts. But Mom's stubborn. And she can't admit Veronica's right.

* * *

Well, mom finally agreed to Veronica's plan today! Jake called Veronica to let her know, and Veronica says she knew she'd come around eventually.

I think I figured out where Daphne's perpetual optimism (Jake's words, not mine) came from.

It took almost a year (a year we should have spent traveling the world) after she exploded, but Mom HAS come around. She's not totally hopeless. And that means we're leaving soon. Back to Ferryport Landing for a bit, then on to Germany! Jake's excited to see the Anderson Triplets again. They're having a problem with talking trees eating people, and they don't know how it's happening. Our job is to find out, or keep humans out of it. I can't wait.

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: There followed almost a year without journal entries before the following:]**

* * *

I can't believe the trees took my freakin' journal! When I found it, they were trying to make it grow roots! They called it 'desecration of the dead', whatever the heck that means.

We've dealt with them now, though. I wanted to just torch the whole forest, but Jake said no. Called it murder. I don't believe that. I mean, so what if they can talk? They're just TREES, dangit! Trees that ought to be turned into tree-houses or furniture or even (shudder) books!

So we ended up taking the spell off enough of them that the others stopped causing trouble. Which isn't murder, I guess, even though they can't think anymore still. Took way too long. And then they still wouldn't give me my journal back, I had to go in in the winter, when they were asleep, and steal it!

* * *

Sabrina turns fifteen in two weeks, and she's having a big party. I never really got birthday parties, but she got a cell phone for her thirteenth birthday, and she just upgraded and gave me her old one (I have no idea what most of that means, except that I got a free phone and can text her from wherever she is), and she told me she wants to celebrate the fact that she made it a decade and a half without dying. With her track record, I guess she's got a good point.

Daphne complained, 'cause she said it's supposed to be the sixteenth birthday that gets a big party, unless you're hispanic or something, and Sabrina was all like, 'it's my party, and I'm having it now.' I don't think Marshmallow liked that too much. But she gave in when Grimm said she could decorate the place.

I think I'll give her my dirt collection. I've been saving a sample from every place we've gone, and it's really big now. It's awesome. She'll hate it, which is even more awesome.

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: The boys went to back to Europe on another mission that took a great deal of time. These next journal entries chronicle some of their incidents.]**

* * *

Lisbon is nice. I like it here. We've finally found the runaway fairy we've been tracking, though, and we're ready to head home with him.

I got to do all the capturing myself, 'cause Jake got himself knocked out in the first five minutes. It's only fair, though, that the fairy be taken down by an even more awesome fairy like me. We wouldn't want to offend him. I can't give you a play-by-play because Jake says it's almost time to go, but rest assured, I was totally awesome. Totally.

* * *

Today's my birthday. And it sort of kind of fits with me looking sixteen-ish. To celebrate, Jake and I went out to kill some gollums (scratch that, he says it's spelled golem. And that we can't really kill them since a magician made them out of mud or sticks or something.) But it was still fun. I love beating stuff up. You have no idea. And after that, we went out for ice cream! Jake is the bomb. Seriously. And now we're going to go bowling with some old men he knows. He told me not to drink anything. I'm not sure why.

* * *

Sabrina asked me to take her to prom today. I thought she was joking for a bit (she does that a lot more often, now, and they're most of them not nasty jokes. It's hard to get used to. Maybe it'd be easier if I spent more time with her instead of running off all over the place.) but she seems serious. I guess I will. Maybe I'll even try my hand at being sweet. She'll like that.

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: Prom went well. Puck and Sabrina didn't see much of each other for the next two years because she went off to college, and their visits home didn't coincide. They tried to keep in touch via cell phones, but it was difficult. Puck and Jake were on search and retrieve duty in South America for most of this time.]**

* * *

I got a call today. Relda Grimm is dead.

She was on a case, and I guess she got too close for the people she was chasing, and they offed her. I don't really know the details, just that after Sabrina found out, she went on a rampage. All the people who helped kill her are now in jail, but they'll never be the same, even if they get out. Veronica says one of them's missing an eye, and another one will never be able to walk again.

We all told her she was getting too old for the detective stuff.

The funeral's on Thursday. Jake and I are heading back tonight. I think Jake's going to stay. For good.

I feel kind of... spaced out. Like I'm not really there. I never... That woman's been more like family to me than anyone I've ever known, and... I dunno, I guess I just never thought she'd be gone. Especially after Canis made her an Everafter.

It's rough.

* * *

Today was the funeral. I don't remember much about it, except that Daphne wouldn't talk to anybody, and Sabrina wouldn't shut up. It's like they switched.

Dammit, this HURTS!

I'm leaving tonight. And... I don't know when I'll be able to come back. I've got a lot to sort through, and until I do, I won't be able to be around any reminders of her. It's just too hard.

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: There followed a series of journal entries all of which described Relda Grimm in great detail, or were horribly depressing. Puck has asked that these pages be removed for privacy's sake. We all know this really just means he's preserving his image as a tough guy.]**

* * *

Daphne sent me a message. First I've heard of her in almost five years. She says that Sabrina's getting married.

What is this? I thought she'd get it! I mean, a guy leaves for five years, and his on and off girlfriend just goes and gets engaged to someone else? Not cool, man. Not cool. Who would even marry her, with all that baggage?

Something must be done. I shall plan.

* * *

Got my plan!

See, I'm gonna crash her wedding. And then I'll remind her how much more awesome I am than he is, and she'll leave him and come back for me. And if that doesn't work, I'll just scare him off.

Now I just gotta wait until her wedding.

* * *

**[Transcriber's Note: There were no journal entries between this and the next.]**

* * *

Today's the day! I'm all set! I'm on the roof of the building right now, actually, waiting. They're playing the march.

I can't wait to see her face. She's going to be... Oh, this'll be awesome! It's perfect. Absolutely amazing. And I'm going to surprise everyone!

The priest is talking, that's my cue!


	11. The Beginning of the End, or the End of the Beginning

She said no! Can you believe it? I showed up at her wedding, and she turned me down!

I mean, seriously! A guy leaves his girlfriend for five short years and she moves on! What kind of world is this?

She didn't totally say no, at least. She said something stupid about 'needing time' and 'wanting to think about it.'

So now Bradley and I get to have a wonderful competition to see who can win the fair maiden's heart, or some other stupid nonsense like that.

I'll start by pranking her, maybe? No, that's probably a bad idea. Flowers? Maybe? No. How... I don't even know what she likes! What if she's changed in five years?

Dangit.

Excuse me while I brainstorm.

* * *

Attempt three has failed. Attempt one was unsuccessful, and attempt two almost worked. Attempt four shall win! I shall romanticize her! Women love that! Yes. I will be successful.

She better hope it doesn't go too far, because attempt seven is removing the competition.

It's been a month. What is wrong with her? How can she not see that he's a loser and I'm her soulmate? I don't understand!

Excuse me, I have to go learn how to play the guitar so I can serenade Sabrina.

...I wonder if she'd like an  _electric_  guitar serenade...

* * *

She chose me! Can you believe it? She really actually chose me over him! I was a little scared she wouldn't for a while, she seemed really attached to him, and maybe I was a bit of a jerk, and it took her almost a year, but  _she chose me!_

It may be because I gave her an ultimatum and said she could marry me or never see me again, and I gave her the ring and everything, but she picked me. I just...

This is what cloud nine feels like.

* * *

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I was a little caught up in arguing with Daphne over whether we should have a wedding like she wanted or like I wanted. Daphne wanted one that was all pretty and stuff, and I was like, 'do we really want to remind Sabrina of how well her last wedding went by having this one be just like it?' I won, kind of. We had the church decorated half like I wanted and half like Daphne wanted. It was great. My cake was green and slimy and full of jello, and I got to stuff it in Sabrina's face. All is right with this world.

And then after that we had three AWESOME weeks of honeymoon.

I won't give you details on that, but let's just say I know why people get married now.

So now we're home and Sabrina's back to work and it turns out I got accepted to dental school. Pulling teeth, here I come!

* * *

Sabrina's pregnant.

This is... terrifying.

I don't know anything about being a dad! I don't even know how to be a husband yet!

What do I do? I mean, this means diapers and bottles and no sleep and making it stop crying and naming it and... Yeah. No.

Maybe Mustardseed will know. Or mom or... somebody. 'Cause I can't do this.

* * *

Mustardseed told me to read a parenting book.

Gee, thanks.

He was better than Mom, though. She told me it just 'comes naturally.' Well, from what I remember, when Mustardseed was born she just let Cobweb handle it. I should've known better than to ask my family. Maybe Sabrina's will know. She's been on the phone with her mom all day, so she's got to be picking  _something_ important up.

Maybe I'll... go to the library. And hope that they have something useful.

* * *

We went to the oh-bee-gin or whatever it is today, and they were a lot more helpful than the library. They were all like 'explain explain explain' and Sabrina was like 'yeah, that's great and helpful and all but what will make me stop puking up everywhere and liking my grandma's recipes?' (So much funny right there. Daphne loved the food and I liked the puke, except when I had to try to get it out of the carpet.) and they sort of kind of helped me figure out what to do and then they told us about this parenting and prenatal (don't know what that is, but I think it's 'before your life goes to Hell' or something) class for couples.

Sabrina actually kind of didn't want to do it, but I'm scared out of my friggin' wits so I signed us up right then and there. She can muddle her way through being a parent, but I want to do it  _right_. Because my parents didn't. And so help me Jesus, my kid will get better.

We go on Tuesday.

* * *

The baby kicked today! It was...

There are no words.

* * *

Sabrina actually said it was worth the fifty bucks for this class! I can't believe it.

She's been telling me she can't believe I'm this excited to go to what's basically school, but whatever. It's fifty times more interesting than the stuff they're teaching us in dental school. And kids are fun. When I told her that, she told me I should switch careers and go be a teacher. I told her I don't want any more school, thanks.

I kind of think I'm going to like being a parent.

* * *

Sabrina had the baby. It's a girl. We named her Allison Bayberry Grimm because my mom told me if I didn't put a fairy name in there somewhere, she'd make me regret it. I didn't really actually name her, Sabrina just looked through the book and said, 'I like this name' and I said 'uh-huh', and when she'd made a list I pointed to one and she was like 'all right', and we both pretended I cared.

None of that matters, though, because my wife is holding my baby girl, and I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Sabrina, but looking at that ugly little squalling thing there I know that I'd die for her in a heartbeat, especially if she stays ugly and loud and smelly, because then I can take her around places and drive people insane, and we'll get into so much trouble together, and women will pretend they think she's adorable and we'll all know they're lying and it'll be awesome.

* * *

Ally said her first word today. I was hoping it'd be daddy, but it wasn't. It was 'duck.' What kind of first word is 'duck'? I mean, really! If it was PUCK, I'd be okay with it. But nooo, she had to say duck. She doesn't even have any toy ducks! We don't live near any ducks!

Mom says my first word was garbage, and Sabrina said hers was da-da. So I'm gonna go with it being a mistake in Sabrina's gene pool. Goodness knows there are plenty of those.

* * *

You remember how we were solving a mystery on Ally's first birthday? Well, today was her second one, and we had an enormous party. Sabrina says it's all right 'cause she won't remember her first birthday anyway, but I don't care, really. I mean, a party's a party, and it's an excuse to show off my two wonderful ladies to everyone I can, and rub how much better my life is than everyone else's in their faces. Also cake.

* * *

She's pregnant again. I think I can handle it this time. I mean, I was a little nervous, but it's okay now. Ally's easy, most of the time. So yeah.

HOLY CRAP WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER KID.

...Or not...

* * *

The new baby was born. Just as wonderful. Also ugly and screaming and whoever says babies are adorable is a humongous liar. She's Emma Rose Grimm.

Ally thinks we should give it back. I love my kid.

One of these days Sabrina's going to kill me for laughing at something Ally says, but she won't do it today because she needs me to take care of Ally until she comes home from the hospital. Macaroni and cheese and pancakes for dinner! Hooray, Ally, Daddy can't cook for squat!

* * *

Ally cut off all her hair today. She said it was 'cause some boy at school stuck peanut butter in it, and then Sabrina started talking to her about how when boys do mean things to you it means they like you (she gave me a weird look when she said it. What did I do?), but I feel like it's not the real reason. I'm pretty sure Ally's tired of all the attention her sister's getting. She was fascinated by Emma for the first while, but now everyone's going 'cute baby' and they've stopped giving Ally attention.

I'll have to think of a way to make her feel important. Maybe she can prank with me. That'll get her plenty of attention. And it'll stop her giving herself horrible haircuts.

Sabrina fixed it, but it's really short, now.

* * *

We've decided not to tell the girls about Everafters yet. Ally we could maybe tell, but she might slip, so we're going to wait until she and Emma are both old enough that they can keep a secret, and tell them together. I think it's a bad idea, 'cause they'll probably find out anyway, but Sabrina made this whole 'logical argument' about how we can't have two girls talking about this to their friends, 'cause then there might be all sorts of issues.

Sometimes I hate being married to a lawyer.

* * *

What are you supposed to do when someone makes fun of your kid? Do you beat them up? Talk to their parents? Give your kid permission to make fun of them right back?

I'm kind of leaning towards killing them, but that's probably not the best idea.

There's a girl in Ally's class that makes fun of her. She won't say why, but I feel like it's bad. She came home crying today, and Sabrina's talking to her right now.

I hate this. I feel so helpless. I'm not good at talking to the girls about what's bothering them. I guess I should just be grateful I have a wife who is good at it.

* * *

Today was Sabrina and my tenth anniversary. We celebrated by having her parents take the kids someplace and we got romantic. We haven't done that in a while.

I don't know if she had as awesome a time as I did, but let me tell you, she's still got it.

I write about my girls more than my wife, but MAN. Times like this, when I have her all to myself, and I can talk with her, and we can... ahem... I am the luckiest fairy alive to be married to this woman. My life could not get any better than this.

Sabrina's in the bathroom right now, but I can hear the toilet flushing, so instead of gushing about her like some romantic dweeb, I'm going to go make good use of my blessings. Now.

* * *

Emma started kindergarten today. We held her back because it turns out she's dyslexic or something, and Sabrina wanted to give her a head start at home, but now she's off to school like a big girl, as pretty much the oldest in her class. I feel a bit bad for her, 'cause I know what it's like to not learn like everyone else and have people think you're stupid. I will not have that for my kid. If I have to learn how to read well and tutor her every night, I will make sure she does not struggle in school. She won't.

* * *

Emma has discovered where her talents lie: Ally may be the book-smart one, and she may take after her mom in the smarts department, but Emma is sports-crazy. We signed her up for soccer, and she took to it like me when I got my wings (we should start looking out for that in Ally, actually. I got mine at eleven, and she's already twelve.) She's just amazing at it. So she badgered Sabrina into signing her up for other sports. We did, and so far she's been great at every one she's tried.

I think Ally might be a bit jealous, because she can run, but she doesn't have great hand-eye coordination, and she's an awful team player. I don't know where Emma got the team thing from. But I think I'll take Ally out for ice cream, make her feel a bit better.

* * *

Ally has a boyfriend. I may have to kill him.

Sabrina says that's a bad idea, so I probably won't, because when she says it like that it really means, 'you kill him and I will make you miserable for the rest of your days.' So what we're going to do is invite him over for dinner, and then I get to terrify him. Or Sabrina can. Probably both of us. She can be terrifying, too, if she wants.

* * *

He was so terrified he broke up with her, Ally says. She's not speaking to me right now. I don't understand. What happened to 'I love you, Daddy,' and 'You're my favorite'? I miss my baby girl.

I still have Emma, though. And we may have to torture Big Sister for a bit to remind her how to have fun. I'm going to spend as much time as possible with my little snarky nine-year-old before she hits the 'I hate my parents' stage Ally's at.

* * *

Well, whatshisface broke up with Ally again. This is the third time. I don't understand what she sees in him.

Sabrina still won't let me kill him. She says Ally's going through enough right now. And she also said something about choosing boys that treat them awful being a family trait. I take offense to that, I think. Not sure. I'm nice!

* * *

Well, the cat's out of the bag. The kids know they're fairy princesses now. I'm pretty glad I wasn't home for that. Sabrina's kind of mad at me for leaving her to it. She even accused me of knowing Ally would grow wings today and leaving so I wouldn't have to deal with it! I'm offended!

I mean, she was kind of right, but still. I didn't KNOW it was going to happen today. It's just that her back was itching her a lot and I figured maybe...

We're going to start training the girls tomorrow. This isn't how either of us wanted to introduce them to the business, but I still don't think Emma can keep it a secret, and we can't have a liability like that.

This is going to be interesting.

But then again, when isn't my life interesting?


End file.
